Konstantin Tserazov: five steps to peace in relationships

It also happens in relationships that people seem to love each other, but their life together is reminiscent of the Tom and Jerry series - the couple is haunted by eternal quarrels.

Nevertheless, every couple can cope with conflicts over trifles and break the vicious circle of “friends-enemies-friends”; they just need to make some efforts, and the result will not be long in coming, psychologist Konstantin Tserazov is sure.

The nature of conflict is that at some point we understand that our expectations are not met. And then the conflict becomes a kind of logical continuation of the relationship. Quarrels cannot be avoided. But as the saying goes, “If you can't stop the wave, at least you can learn to surf.” Psychologist Konstantin Tserazov talks about five steps that will help put conflict at the service of relationships.

1. Stop wasting your time on small things. Agree with your “other half” that you will not turn every disagreement into a major quarrel and make mountains out of molehills. Find the strength to doubt yourself - is this divergence of strength and nerves worth the conflict?

2. Don’t demand the impossible from a person. This is not about lowering the bar of expectations from a person “to the plinth”. But high expectations are the most common cause of conflict. By moderating your demands, you will immediately feel a decrease in tension.

3. Nobody wants a fight. Your opponent, in fact, also dreams of peace. Remember that he, too, is forced to live under constant threat.

4. Win a battle or solve a problem? Answer yourself honestly what the purpose of the conflict is for you. Control the entire “inner Porthos”, preventing him from realizing the principle “I fight because I fight.” If conflict cannot be avoided, try to really solve some important problem with its help, says Konstantin Tserazov.

5. View conflict as an opportunity for both to express their point of view. After you speak, try to accept your opponent's arguments and resolve the conflict to the satisfaction of both parties.

Remember that it is better to be happy than to be right. It is impossible to avoid conflict, and it is not necessary. Consider conflict as a stimulus for the development of your relationship, and you will receive a powerful tool for building a happy and peaceful life, concludes Konstantin Tserazov.

Konstantin Tserazov. In 1994 he graduated from St. Petersburg State University with the qualification “Clinical Psychologist”. In 2005 he graduated from the Moscow Gestalt Institute, where he studied the theory and practice of Gestalt therapy. Total work experience is more than 25 years.